What to Do When Gratitude Fails

Thanksgiving: an annual tribute to the GOAT of emotions.

...but what about when gratitude fails?

The bottom line is: it doesn’t.

(yeah, that was a trick question.)

Gratitude works. It changes our neurochemistry and rewires our neurophysiology.

But sometimes we fail to connect with a genuine appreciation for what is going on inside of us or in our lives.

If you struggle to get to gratitude, there are few things you can try to get the good feeling juices flowing and the wheels of wonder turning in your favor again.

WHEN FAILURE ISN’T AN OPTION

First, remember (or learn for the first time), when it comes to gratitude, it is not the length of the list of things to be grateful for that makes it work. It is the choice to search for things to be grateful for that begins the cascade of chemicals that ease the tension (physical and emotional).

So you don't need a long list, or an easily accessible list. You just need the intention to generate a list and put some attention to what you will put on that list.

Second, the divine is in the details. Make it easier and get more juice from picking just one single thing you can find gratitude for, and then come up with 3-8 details you appreciate about that thing/situation/person. It will amplify the effort and boost the good feelings and positive brain changes that gratitude is known for.

...But, for those days and times that you just can’t get there...when the feelings are too big, the situation to overwhelming, or the resistance too strong…but you CANNOT go on in a state of torment, try this...

WHEN GRATITUDE IS OUT OF REACH, GO FOR CURIOSITY

Curiosity is also powerful and underrated alchemist. It is powerful; it’s under our conscious/voluntary control and it hasn’t been as hyped or abused. Unfortunately, however, it’s been cautioned against, as in “curiosity killed the cat,” when in fact it can actually breathe new life into a situation.

Curiosity has the ability to shift our state and open us up to new possibilities without force. A subtle shift in perspective and bam—a flood of new ideas come in because there’s no resistance.

Think about it, when you are curious, you are engrossed—even if the subject is gross (admit it, you’ve watched the reels of someone getting a bug pulled out of their ear or equally bizarre).

You are drawn in and you want more.

So if gratitude is temporarily out of reach, all we have to do is get curious about something else (useful, though; not about how else things could go wrong.)

I find it easiest to use “What if” statements or “I wonder…”

Using these statements you can actually use the very feeling or situation that is distressing you and challenge the subconscious without inciting self-sabotaging survival drives or exacerbating bad feelings.

For instance, let’s say I’m in a funk and I’m caught in my old reliable thought loop of “I’m a loser. Nothing ever works for me.” (True story. It rarely happens now thanks to this trick).

So I’m thinking this. I’m feeling the opposite of awesome. I know I should be grateful, but not sure what for because nothing works out for me, right?

…I’m irritated and also shaming myself for being an a*hole because I can’t get to gratitude.

I do that for a few minutes, all of them excruciating because I’m dying inside. I don’t feel good about myself or my life. And let’s be honest, I’m mad at myself for being this way again/still whilst also getting bored with this feeling and story about myself…but I really don’t know what to do.

Creativity, like gratitude is unavailable; so I do my best and start where I am and work with what I've got (all the yucks). Just take those and flip them into what-ifs?

“What if I wasn’t a loser?

What if things were working out for me?

What if this is going to end?

What if I could handle it better?

What if I could feel better?

What if I am not as far off as I’ve been telling myself?

What if this isn’t even mine to feel/process/fix?

What if I could think a different thought?

What if I could think a thought I’ve never thought before?

What if I was grateful but it didn’t look or feel like I thought it would?

Or,  use your imagination in a more useful way:

“I wonder what it would be like to not care about this anymore…

I wonder what it would be like to set this down for a minute…

I wonder how I would feel if I just went outside…

I wonder how long I can hold my breath right now…

I wonder if it’s really impossible to touch your tongue to your elbow…

I wonder how pop tarts are made…

…it’s easy!

The only thing you must remember is: make sure you get curious in a neutral or positive direction.

What if questions are great to challenge the subconscious without aggravating it; and “I wonders” are good to shift your focus and get your imagination working towards beneficial ends.

GRATITUDE FOR YOUR SUCCESS

If you even attempted this maneuver, you’ve actually made a bold expression of your badassery. Choosing to intentionally direct your energy and attention in a way that is helpful to your physical body and the expansion of your future is definitely something to put on your gratitude list.

Even if everything (or nothing) appears to turns around in the moment, it did (it just escaped perception); yet this is the EXACT step(s) that is required to create big changes.

Life is cumulative and this counts, so this is one rep, one step in the direction of a brighter future. All that’s left is to thank yourself for doing this.

Yay you! ✨✨✨ ( those are Gratitude sparkles)