How-To Get Out of a Downward Spiral
Call it what you want: dark night of the soul, tailspin, shit pit, dumpster fire, downward spiral…
The name doesn’t matter as much as how it feels being crushed by tidal waves of negative thoughts, drenched in heavy emotions— frustration, desperation, exhaustion, etc—and insulted by the fact that you are alone in this because you look outside and see people smiling and seeming to enjoy life, while you are stuck re-living the same pattern you’ve been trying to break for years now.
You’re there. And you can know for sure because you don’t like you.
Sound familiar?
(Yes, it was the opening of the previous blog: What Causes a Dark Night of the Soul?)
When you’re in the shit, you want nothing more than for it to stop, for the feelings to go away.
But if you’ve been doing shadow work for more than a day or two, you’ve either read or come to realize that “what you resist persists.”
…And if you’ve been reading this blog or tuning into POWERhour in the HAPPINESS clinic group, you know I don’t do fluff, so here is some real help to get you out of the tailspin you’re in.
…A throwback to your elementary days. You learned this for fire safety, but it’s going to work for the dumpster fire of your emotional life, too; because this is what unconditional love would do.
Stop fighting it, whatever “it” is. You already know now, and just read it about 1 ½ seconds ago that “What you resist persists.” For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction so, even outside of physics, when you try to push something out of your existence there is an equal and opposite movement of it into your existence.
…Like pushing pool noodles under water and that pop out of the water with gusto, emotions like anger, hate, restlessness, sadness (yeah, all the heavy ones we don’t want to feel) when you try to push them down they pop up (with gusto), and often at the most inopportune times.
…so stop resisting.
Stop trying to “figure it out.” Because if you could, you probably would have by now. This is another time to yield to another brilliant scientist who said problems can’t be solved from the same level of consciousness that created them.
If you’re stressed out, you’re operating on a frequency pattern of the same. All the rational thinking and logic are going to be emanating from that stress and survival drive, so that even what “makes sense” will only generate more of the same crap. Creativity and solutions aren’t going to come from “figuring it out, “
…so stop trying to make things make sense.
Stop fu🥳ing with it. You know what I mean—poking at it, “trying” to make it better—like putting rainbow sprinkles on a mud pie. It’s still going to taste like dirt.
It is space that opens to possibilities, but we collapse this potential when we refuse to give any time or distance (mental or physical) to a person or situation. Let it breathe. Let dots connect. Let things come. Let yourself or another have some time to process and regulate their nervous system
…so stop meddling.
Set it down or drop it like a hot potato—either will work. Basically, don’t believe anything you think. Feelings aren’t facts; and the intensity of either are not indicative of truth. It is learning to set aside intense and intrusive thoughts and feelings so that you can continue to be an active advocate and agent of your future.
Remember: release is easy. It’s the ego that demands the pomp & circumstance, and the subconscious that loves a ceremony.
But as just stated above, fighting is futile and creates resistance…So what you can do to help you “drop” whatever it is that no longer serves you is to create a simple ritual to denote your choice to set something down and move on.
Important to note: keep it simple and calm. The more flair or time you dedicate to this, the more you end up celebrating and canonizing the struggle or rite itself (instead of the passage and movement forward). Ideas include:
✦ Taking a conscious breath
✧ Walk through a doorway or threshold (like between two trees or under a trellis)
✦ Close a door (and pretend that you are closing it on whatever it is you are saying goodbye to)
✧ Write the name of the issue you are parting with and then tear or burn the paper
✦ Do anything different—any conscious choice to break a pattern, such as walking on the other side of the street, brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand, skipping instead of walking, spinning in a circle three times for no other reason…the possibilities are endless and you can be creative (as long as the energy is to the leaving/breaking the pattern and not the gesture or rite itself).
Roll with it. Don’t try to catch up or make it up…at least not at this point in the process.
That means to temporarily hold off on over-apologizing (that’s fucking with it), dwelling, or beating yourself up over whatever has happened. These are all habits that aren’t as useful as the ego or subconscious survival mind would have you believe at the moment.
…those “course corrections” aren’t efforts to realign with our hearts or to reconcile and reconnect with our loves—which is often why things are out of whack in the first place. They are actually cleverly disguised resistance to what is—which you know doesn’t work (see again point #1).
So instead of working so hard to get “back on track,” or “back to ‘normal,’” play with the idea of going with the flow, with you as part of something bigger than you that you can’t or aren’t supposed to have all figured out just yet.
To keep growing you have to keep going; and a little tuck-n-roll is actually a really efficient (and often fun) way to get from here to there—you just might not be able to control everything in the in-between.
Here’s a video that helps me remember the awesomeness of “the roll.”
Persistence pays and winning is inevitable when you continue to get up.
The key here is to pause so you can re-orient, reprioritize, gather your senses and get your perspective…and breathe!
…this will ensure your movement from this point is grounded and in the direction of your target.
Acknowledge and celebrate. Whatever you just went through could either be the worst of times and scar your for life, or it could be a hilarious tale that you laugh about, like Jackass or “Nailed It!”
The choice is yours.
…But the idea that you can stay or go back is a lie and you’ll end up frustrated and stuck and disoriented—because the world around you continues to move—so you end up feeling like you’re sitting in a train that isn’t moving but looks like it’s going backwards when the one next to it begins to move forward.
It happened, whatever “it” is. Now YOU happen (happiness = I happen to things).
Be the voice you hear that says “Go forward. I’m here. We will find the way together.”
Begin to trust yourself. No need to over-analyze or evaluate in fear and preparation or avoidance of “it” again, because you can come to know and trust you as intelligent, a diligent learner. Plus, you know you made it through, so there is no way to say you can’t without lying.
…And, as one who is intelligent and learns from experience, you will know better how to recognize signs earlier and make different choices to create different outcomes.
You’ve got what it takes to get out of a downward spiral. The trick is to remember you’ve got the tools when things are going sideways.
Get the support you need to get out and stay out of the rut you got stuck in.
You can be confident + happyAF. Click the button below to schedule a time to talk about how to make that real.