What is Relationship Remodeling?

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. This day can bring up a very acute awareness of what is lacking in your relationship—even if he comes through with chocolates or flowers. You just know that things aren’t what they used to be and you’re afraid he feels the same.

There is a way to turn things around. It’s called remodeling. You get it—it’s all over HGTV…You find a property, make sure it’s structurally sound, knock down some walls to create an open concept living room, rip off some ugly-ass wallpaper, install stainless steel appliances and barn wood accents and…voila!

Better than new and worth a million dollars.

You can also remodel your relationship.

And you can do it DIY! That’s right...with or WITHOUT couple’s therapy.

Here’s how it works…

1. Design and Dream.

This is where you get to speak your piece—you get space to talk and be listened to. For reals. Clarify what you want and desire for your relationship and create a plan to make it happen.

So often we end up in boring or conflict-ridden relationships because we aren’t clear on what it is we’d really like to create with a partner. We have a really good idea of what we don’t want, but not a lot of clarity on what it is we do want.

Once you get clear on what it is you’ve been dreaming of, what resources are available, and what actions are required, turning dreams into reality becomes much easier.

2. Demo the Ugly Stuff

You have to get rid of what isn’t working, not just put something on top. Identify problematic communication patterns and limiting beliefs and get coaching and facilitation on changing destructive communication patterns and old habits and self-sabotaging messaging that keep you stuck in a bummer relationship so you can have what your heart desires.

There is a lot of breaking up to do to make a relationship work. Break up with bad habits, inaccurate and outdated ways of seeing yourself, and beliefs and doubts that happiness is for someone other than you.

It doesn’t matter where you got it or what it meant in the past, if it’s not contributing to awesomeness, then toss it!

3. Save the Good Stuff

You are radiant when you aren’t hiding under or behind all that B.S.

You’ve got strengths…some you didn’t even know you had; and you got him to fall in love with you. It’s time to acknowledge and enjoy the gifts and quirks that are uniquely, amazingly YOU.

It’s time to be “full of yourself,” fully you. Get to know more about your unique gifts, talents, and abilities so that you can use them for you and your relationship. When you start to realize just how much you’ve got going for you, you become more self-assured. And, if haven’t figured it out yet,  CONFIDENCE IS SEXY.

Remember your partner, too. He was awesome when you first got together and still is. If you start paying attention to the great things that he has to offer, you will see that more often. It will be easier for you to love and respect him. You might even get butterflies in your stomach again.

When you change how you see yourself  and your partner, you will realize and recognize the good stuff in yourselves and each other. You know there is good stuff to save and you can use your individual awesomeness to contribute to even more relationship awesomeness—that’s a lot of awesomeness!

4. Upgrade.

The whole purpose of a remodel is not just to make things look better, but to also make them function better. Whether it is to make a space more usable or improve the financial aspect by increasing re-sale value. The same is true of a relationship. You’d like to be doing more than just surviving or cohabitating; you’d like to be thriving and creating something together that is better than what you could do on your own. You’d like to take your relationship to the next level.

When you remodel your relationship, you will have to learn new ways of being and communicating. Having tossed the outdated points of views on what it means to be a wife (or husband), what it means to be loved, your value, etc. you now have space for something new that was better than what it is replacing.

Here is where the really fun part of coaching is. This is where you get to take the good stuff you saved, enhance it, and maybe even use it in a slightly different way, so that you get more functionality and enjoyment from it. This is where you learn NEW tools and tricks to make the daily FUN—asking for things in a way to get cooperation and ease, flirting, more affectionate touch, more laughter. The tools and coaching you get make these additions permanent so you can enjoy a lifetime of relationship bliss.

Bonus nugget #1: these tools work in any area of your life, so get ready for a whole life up-leveling!

Bonus nugget #2: having gratitude for the good stuff and the change and all the goodies that have been and are in your life already makes you notice MORE (that you might not have noticed before)… MORE GRATITUDE = MORE GOOD STUFF = UPGRADE REMODEL SUPERCHARGED EXPONENTIALIZED RELATIONSHIP HAPPINESS!

5. Finishing Touches

As with any remodel, the project is complete and you are enjoying more space and upleveled living. But after a few months you notice a small detail that you’d like to tweek or an edge that needs a little more finishing. Your relationship remodel will be the same.

You changed your relationship—you broke up with your crappy self-image and developed strength. You will know what it is you want and you know what to do to make it happen.

But sometimes, life throws a curve ball and you’d just like a coach in your corner to deal with problems that pop up.

…This might be the first time the partner ever comes...and that is totally okay, because you are a Badass Boss Babe and you know that if you want something done you’ve got to do it yourself.

Relationship Remodeling works for you both. You get every ounce of confidence that comes from self-mastery over your feelings, fears, negative self narratives, doubt, and self-defeating communication patterns. And, through your work on yourself you (re)discovered a kind, caring, sexy-as-hell partner who is as awesome as you, whose awesomeness you can count on and bask in.

The best part of a DIY relationship remodel (which is usually the most scary thing and the reason we keep the crappy relationship going for so long, but that’s another blog for another time)…

YOU WILL NO LONGER HAVE TO WASTE YOUR TIME, ENERGY, TEARS ON RELATIONSHIP DRAMA.

YOU GET TO USE ALL OF YOUR TIME, ENERGY, AND BLISS TO REALIZE YOUR DREAMS AND BE A GREATER CONTRIBUTION TO THE WORLD.

It is this greatness that we are actually so fearful of that we use our relationship to keep us small. Don’t worry—we’ll be working on that in coaching—you will be so bold and confident, you will laugh in the face of this fear, kiss your lover, then pick up your sword to go kick ass out in the world.

If you’re ready to enjoy the hell out of your partner and use your relationship bliss to fuel your badassery, then let’s talk about how to do that for you. No pressure. No sales. Just a conversation and a chance for you to learn more about working with me and see if we are a good fit before moving forward. It’s FREE. Click the button below to get started.